Do you, perchance, remember the green, rubber guy that graced children's television and paraphenalia for a while? Do you remember his flexible body and creepy eyes? Of course you do...you remember him! And now...I let you in on a great secret...Gackt-beloved jrocker and bad dancer extrodenair-is really...GUMBY IN DISGUISE! YES!
And how did I come to that brilliant deduction? Careful, careful research...and tireless hours of eleminating rediculous theories...
My first inklings that Gackt was decidedly NOT human were thanks to one of his music videos. Unfortuantly, I blacked out for about half the video (too much of that said bad dancing)...but before blessed darkness over took me I remember seeing the singer's torso and limbs twisting him into such positions that an elephant's trunk would have difficulty emulating. Detirmined to expose the "Japanese" man for the alien he was, I began a long search for further proof...that didn't require focusing on his video again.
I found photo-graphs, which I will display for your viewing horror at the bottom of the screen.
Several theories snapped into my mind...he could be a member of the alien gymnist race; one of his parents could have had an affair with, or been raped by, a rubber tree; he could be an escapee (or reject) from the Matrix; he could be Gumby...or even a really flexible human!
It took some time to eleminate the now-obviously wrong possibilities...It seemed unlike that he was a member of the gymnist race-they'd been showing waning interest in the planet of recently (thankfully)...I discounted the half-rubber tree theory on the basis that to truly ponder such a thing would mean I had to think deeply into humanxtree mating rituals, which would certainly scar my mind and I doubt Gackt would pay the bill for years of therapy required to return me back to normal. The Matrix theory was unlikely since Gackt does NOT travel through phone lines (when he wants to get somewhere quick, the singer turns into a flying cat, he does NOT dial numbers into a cell!), and as for him being human....Ha! Obviously not!
So Gumby he is...scary ne?
There are Easter eggs still in my fridge. I think they'll hatch soon,and being their quest for universal domination. Just a warning...
and beware the eggs!